The Pulitzer Prize-winning author, who grew up in Parlin, wrote an essay for The New Yorker about being raped by someone he trusted when he was 8 years old. He said the trauma, which he kept a secret, followed him his whole life and had a destructive influence on his relationships and work, causing rage and depression.
Junot Diaz has revealed that he was the victim of sexual abuse as a child.
In an essay for The New Yorker titled "The Silence: The Legacy of Childhood Trauma," the author, who grew up in Middlesex County, details how he spent most of his life keeping that abuse a secret. Suppressing the trauma had a destructive effect on his life, causing problems with intimacy and hobbling him in relationships and his work.
"I was raped when I was eight years old," Diaz writes. "By a grownup that I truly trusted." He says that person told him he had to return the next day or he would be "in trouble," then raped him again.
He starts the essay by addressing a fan who had once asked him if he had ever been sexually abused, given the fact that the subject comes up in his books.
Junot Diaz confronts the legacy of childhood trauma: "I never told anyone what happened, but today I'm telling you. And anyone else who cares to listen." https://t.co/MbJ9mbrPPX pic.twitter.com/7UPPvt42Ou
-- The New Yorker (@NewYorker) April 9, 2018
"You caught me completely by surprise," he says. At the time, Diaz was too scared -- "too committed to my mask," he says -- to say anything. But he never forgot the disappointment of the person who asked the question after the author brushed it off.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth," says Diaz, who is a professor of creative writing at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. "I'm sorry for you, and I'm sorry for me. We could have both used that truth, I'm thinking."
Diaz, 49, a Pulitzer Prize winner for his 2007 novel "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao," grew up in Parlin with four siblings after moving from Azua in the Dominican Republic in 1974, when he was 6. He says he had just been getting acclimated to his new English-speaking self when the abuse happened.
His latest book, "Islandborn," published in March, is a children's picture book about Lola, a girl born in the Dominican Republic who lives in Washington Heights.
Diaz, who released "This is How You Lose Her," a collection of short stories, in 2012, says touring for his children's book has made him think more about how he's had to tell lies about his own childhood, leaving out the trauma he experienced.
The rape "cracked the planet of me in half, threw me completely out of orbit, into the lightless regions of space where life is not possible," Diaz writes.
"It f***ed up my whole life," he says. "More than being Dominican, more than being an immigrant, more, even, than being of African descent, my rape defined me. I spent more energy running from it than I did living."
Diaz says he never told anyone or got any therapy, and had trouble at school and at home, suffering from rage and depression. At the age of 13, he could not look at himself in the mirror.
"By 14, I was holding one of my father's pistols to my head," he says.
Diaz says he tried to kill himself in senior year of high school by swallowing three bottles of drugs that were left over from his brother's treatment for cancer, but it didn't work. He would've tried again, he says, except he received a college acceptance letter from Rutgers.
"At Rutgers I buried not only the rape but the boy who had been raped--and threw into the pit my family, my suffering, my depression, my suicide attempt for good measure," Diaz writes.
What he calls "the Silence" -- his inability to tell anyone about the sexual abuse he experienced -- followed him through his life, in his relationships, putting a wedge between him and those he cared about the most, leading to breakups with girlfriends.
"I was creating model homes, and then, just as soon as they were up, abandoning them," he writes.
Later, after he achieved his first successes, Diaz "clamped the mask down hard" and stopped writing.
Diaz says he still suffers from depression but now goes to therapy twice a week and mostly doesn't drink, and that his current significant other and his friends know about him being raped as a child.
A lingering casualty of the trauma's impact on his life, he says, is that coping with the abuse has had a negative impact on his work.
"The writing hasn't come back, not really," he says.