Even those who love the Garden State have to admit it has its flaws. Watch video
Let me start by saying I love New Jersey, and no one has written about or seen more of this state than I have.
That being said, this ain't exactly paradise, and the last thing New Jersey needs is the glamour treatment -- making everything about this state sound postcard-perfect. We have an image problem, sure; let's not make it worse by painting the Garden State in some fake golden glow.
Which brings us to the 10 most overrated things about this state. Call it a Jersey reality check. I'll undoubtedly catch major grief for daring to question these Garden State icons, institutions and shibboleths (always wanted to use that word in a sentence), but like every real Jerseyan, I have a thick skin.
10. The Jersey Devil. The biggest fraud in alleged-monster history, and that's including Sasquatch. There are so many versions of the Jersey Devil's origin it might as well be a comedy skit. Every so often, usually shortly after a bar somewhere closes, someone will call in a Jersey Devil sighting; a fisherman on LBI saw the Devil "serenading'' a mermaid. My big question: If this were a real-live devil, shouldn't it have the power to zip around the state, say to the Short Hills Mall or the Somerset County 4-H fair? No self-respecting devil would hide out in the woods all its life.
9. Malls. Who shops at them, besides half the world? Yes, the Cherry Hill Mall was the first enclosed mall on the East Coast when it opened in 1961. Yes, we have more malls per square mile than any other state. Doesn't mean I have to love them, or even visit them. My most recent mall trip: a search for the state's best mall food. Five years ago, I visited all 28 of our major malls in 2 1/2 days. What did I learn? Pretty much nothing, but it was fun, despite the security guard at one mall questioning what I was doing taking notes.
8. Full-service gas stations. New Jersey is one of just two states where you can't pump your own gas. It all started in 1949, when the state legislature passed the Retail Gasoline Dispensing Safety Act amidst concerns over consumers pumping their own gas. Never mind that every other state except us and Oregon passed similar laws and have since overturned them. Proponents of full-service say it'll raise pump prices. By what, a nickel? I'll be happy to pay it! Stop this archaic annoying practice -- let me pump my own gas!
Too many of these, along with discount stores and massage parlors, on the AC boardwalk (Peter Genovese I NJ Advance Media for NJ.com) 7. The Atlantic City boardwalk. The World's Most Famous Boardwalk is the world's most depressing boardwalk, populated with t-shirt shops, dollar stores, psychics, massage parlors, and souvenir stands selling iguanas (hermit crabs are apparently passe). Facades have been renovated in recent years, but it's not nearly enough. The phone charging stations and tram cars are nice touches, though. If I want a true boardwalk experience, I'll head to Wildwood or Ocean City; AC makes the Seaside boardwalk look like Rodeo Drive.
6. Mobsters. Are they even around anymore? If New Jersey was proud of one thing back in the 50s and 60s, it was its mobster element; they had swagger, they broke fingers, and had their own in everything (Disclaimer: I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the Genovese crime family). Today, I think even Idaho has more mobsters. When the most famous recent mobster in your history is a fictional character (Tony Soprano, of course), you have a serious mobster image problem.
5. Jersey Shore summers. I love the Shore -- it's where I live. I love summer -- my favorite season. But Jersey Shore summers? Let's see: epic traffic jams on the Parkway, crowded beaches and boardwalks, block-long waits at restaurants, and don't forget all those quarters you're pumping into meters. Sounds like great fun. Best time to visit: mid-to-late September, when the Parkway's bearable, the weather's ideal and you don't need no stinkin' beach badge.
Best thing about Hoboken: The views of Manhattan (John Munson | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com)4. Hoboken - It's from the Indian word meaning "overpriced everything and rampant pretentiousness.'' The state's most parking-challenged town does boast a boatload of bars and restaurants (one bar was a semi-finalist in our N.J.'s best bars competition, and a burger joint was a finalist in our N.J.'s best burger showdown). Great access to the big city, but so does Jersey City, which has a more diverse dining scene. And don't get me started on the lemmings lined up outside Carlo's Bake Shop. Hobokenites were outraged none of their pizzerias landed in my NJ Pizza Power Rankings. My explanation -- none of them were good enough to be in the top 25! Best thing about the Hoboken food scene: the food trucks on Pier 13. Best thing about Hoboken: the views of Manhattan.
@petegenovese Hoboken. It's all the pain in the ass of New York, but with twice the concentration of drunks and without the museums, etc.
-- Christopher Dwyer (@dwyercd) November 4, 2015
3. The Jersey tomato. Look, I love tomatoes, and Jersey farmers. But you can't tell me Jersey tomatoes are vastly superior to tomatoes grown in other states. New Jersey, one cooking site proclaims, "is blessed with the best tomatoes in the world'' -- and gives zero reason why. It's been repeated so many times over the years it's become an urban -- or, more accurately, rural -- legend. What, we have magic soil and perfect climate no other state possesses? Folks in Tennessee, Virginia and Georgia -- all of which produce more tomatoes than Jersey -- say their tomatoes are the best, too. Several years ago, gardenweb.com asked which state grows the best tomatoes. The overwhelming favorite: California. Let's get over this Jersey tomato fixation.
I'm not the only one:
@petegenovese the tomatoes...doesn't compare to Italian San Marzano
-- Steak Knives (@Josh1938) November 4, 2015
The most overrated sandwich in the history of sandwich-dom (Alex Remnick I The Star-Ledger)2. Taylor ham/pork roll. Yeah, it's pretty much the state sandwich, but is any food item more overrated? Pork roll is bland and boring and one-tenth as tasty as bacon; give me a big fat bacon and egg sandwich any day. And North Jersey, do me a favor; stop calling all pork roll Taylor ham. If it's not made by Taylor Provisions, it's not Taylor ham. Not all the pork roll you get in North Jersey is made by Taylor; there's a good chance you're actually eating Case pork roll. Repeat after me: All Taylor ham is pork roll; not all pork roll is Taylor ham.
1. The Garden State slogan. New Jersey is not overrated, but our slogan sure is. It's not known who came up with this most maddening of monikers (some credit Abraham Browning back in 1876), but the slogan has been on our license plates since 1954. Despite our farms and open space and Pine Barrens -- which are not gardens anyway - no other state lives up less to its nickname (the view from the turnpike around Exit 13A, anyone?). And I checked various lists of the top 10 or 25 public gardens in the U.S. New Jersey was not on any of them.
If you have a better nickname for New Jersey, or any comment about my list, let me know below. I'm sure I'm going to get some heat!
Peter Genovese may be reached at pgenovese@njadvancemedia.com. Follow him on Twitter at @PeteGenovese or via The Munchmobile @NJ_Munchmobile. Find the Munchmobile on Facebook and Instagram.